Sometimes life just gets you down. You look back and just think When on earth will all of this be manageable? I mean, eventually it DOES get easier, right? or maybe something like When will the hits just stop coming? I am having a time like this in my life right now. I thought my future was pretty well sorted out. But that is not so. The hits just keep on coming.
About 4 weeks ago today I got a call from my fiancee. We had been going through sort of a rough time and after getting some counsel from a good source he realized all of this was not happening in God's timing. He called and apologized and it basically came down to "We can't do this right now." For some odd reason I sort of felt like the wedding wouldn't happen but I filed that feeling under "Why the hell not? This is just your own insecurity speaking" and moved on. I am sure everyone has doubts before their wedding and I definitely had mine. You know, marriage is sort of supposed to be permanent and I am sure that if the wedding had happened we would have work our butts off to make it work, however, who really wants to spend the first year of their marriage MAKING things work? I know that what happened was the right thing to do, as for where that leaves my ex-fiance and myself? Not dating, keeping in touch, and waiting on God. Where does that leave me? Let me know if you have any clue! Hopefully getting my own apartment, going to school in the fall, and planning another trip to Romania for late next year.
What I really wanted to say though was this:
"For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin."
Hebrew 4:15
and
"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
and
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call
(More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/tommy_walker/)
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call
(More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/tommy_walker/)
My greatest comfort in all of this is my God. I really have no interest in most of what anyone tries to tell me about this situation because most of it is total cliche. A few good friends have said things like "I don't know what to say because I don't want to sound cliche" for which I am very thankful. There is no way that one simple phrase or even an entire blog post will somehow put a nice clean bandage over such a messy situation so in instances like this my advice is don't try. Just be there and ask the person how they are doing. And if you are the person that something like this has happened to remember: You are loved, there are people all around you whom you don't even realize have had similar experiences, they moved on and so will you, so carry on. Cry. Laugh. Get angry. And carry on. Find a new dream and go for it!
