Utterly Grateful

       This year I have so much to be thankful for. I started college this month and my first class was called Professional Development. One thing we learned in the class was the characteristics of Peak Performers (the people who do the best in their career field). They are Honest, Positive, Resilient, Open minded, Disciplined, utterly Grateful, Creative, Engaged , Responsible, and Supportive of others. The one that stood out, especially given the month, was utterly grateful. People who do well are grateful for what they have and for the people that helped them along the way. I intend to be one of these people.

That said, I am thankful for:
-College and what I am learning. Thankful to my parents who are letting me stay with them and are so supportive of my goals, to Lisa and Talo and all the staff at Brown Mackie for helping me make a career choice that fits my goals, and to the Government (though I don't always love it) for the student loans and grants I have received)

-My new job and my "old" job (I will still work as a nanny sometimes). The job as a nanny for the Buck family has been one of the best I have ever had. I am thankful to Shaun and Mariah for entrusting me with their boys and for allowing me the privilege of taking care of them. It has been a blast! I am thankful to them for the confidence they showed in me to refer me to the manager of their company and thankful for being hired on at The Newsletter Pro and to the people who hired me and helped get me there!

-My family and all they do to help and encourage me. For my niece, Esther, and my nephew, John, who call me Sessa. And for the newest bundle of joy in their family, Paul.And for my extended family who know how to encourage me, make me laugh, and are, in general, just about the most amazing group of people on the planet! My aunts, uncles, cousins, "in-laws". All of you!

-Friends near and far off. For believing in me, being there for me, and knowing what to say (or when to be silent :) ) Sara, Rachelle, Brinley, April, and many more! You are the best and I am so grateful for each one of you and your many talents!

I am ecstatic and excited to get started on the rest of my life! I can't wait for what the next few years will bring!

My Not-So-Perfect Future

Sometimes life just gets you down. You look back and just think When on earth will all of this be manageable? I mean, eventually it DOES get easier, right? or maybe something like When will the hits just stop coming? I am having a time like this in my life right now. I thought my future was pretty well sorted out. But that is not so. The hits just keep on coming.

      About 4 weeks ago today I got a call from my fiancee. We had been going through sort of a rough time and after getting some counsel from a good source he realized all of this was not happening in God's timing. He called and apologized and it basically came down to "We can't do this right now." For some odd reason I sort of felt like the wedding wouldn't happen but I filed that feeling under "Why the hell not? This is just your own insecurity speaking" and moved on. I am sure everyone has doubts before their wedding and I definitely had mine. You know, marriage is sort of supposed to be permanent and I am sure that if the wedding had happened we would have work our butts off to make it work, however, who really wants to spend the first year of their marriage MAKING things work? I know that what happened was the right thing to do, as for where that leaves my ex-fiance and myself? Not dating, keeping in touch, and waiting on God. Where does that leave me? Let me know if you have any clue! Hopefully getting my own apartment, going to school in the fall, and planning another trip to Romania for late next year.

      What I really wanted to say though was this:

      

"For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has   been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin."

Hebrew 4:15

and 

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” 

John 16:33

and 

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call
(More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/tommy_walker/)

My greatest comfort in all of this is my God. I really have no interest in most of what anyone tries to tell me about this situation because most of it is total cliche. A few good friends have said things like "I don't know what to say because I don't want to sound cliche" for which I am very thankful. There is no way that one simple phrase or even an entire blog post will somehow put a nice clean bandage over such a messy situation so in instances like this my advice is don't try. Just be there and ask the person how they are doing. And if you are the person that something like this has happened to remember: You are loved, there are people all around you whom you don't even realize have had similar experiences, they moved on and so will you, so carry on. Cry. Laugh. Get angry. And carry on. Find a new dream and go for it!